You da best, best I eva had....

It's been awhile. Yeah, I know. Between traveling, working, holidays, social events (because I attend soooooo many of those), family [drama], and potentially courting a poor fella who has no idea what he's gotten himself into, well.... I just haven't had time to be entertaining. Or funny. Or insightful. Sorry guys, I've got a life. And sometimes that life is full of coals and sometimes it's full of diamonds. And sometimes it's full of coal and diamonds and bullshit and traffic and love and clients and laughs and crackberries and lunch meetings and hand-holding. That's my life right now, nutshell and all. 

Here is a recent phone conversation with a random person who has called me at work:

Editor's Note - After roughly 3 minutes of discussion, I find out this man's name is Robert. Robert Led-something, couldn't really understand him. You see, Robert speaks verrrrrry  slow. And Robert also speaks about anything. And everything. Forgive me, but I'm envisioning a 40-something, skinny man with Burt Reynolds' style lip spinach, maybe 8 teeth in his mouth (if we're lucky), with a rather heavy wife. Not sure how or why I think his wife is heavy, but she is.

Me: This is Jessica.
Robert: Hiiiiiiiiiii........... Jessica.
Me: Hello?
Robert: Ummmmmm.... yeah. Ummmmmmm, I.... have... a...... question.
Me: Ok. What can I do for you?
Robert: Well....... you see. I, I used to work for Conlan. Long ago [in a land far, far away]. Wait, do you have a Gordan that works there?
Me, slightly irritated at this point: No sir, we don't.
Robert: Okkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk. Well....... you see, I...... back in, well long ago, like back in 1994 I worked for you.
Me: Ok?
Robert: And I worked with Gordan. Are you sure he isn't there anymore?
Me, at a 7 on the Irritation Scale: Yes, I'm sure.
Robert: Well, are you new or something? Cause you might be new.
Me, at a 7.5: No. I'm not new. I've worked here over 4 years. 
Robert: Oh yeah, that's new. Pretty new. This was before that. In 1994.
Me: Ok, Robert - exactly what can I do for you? Because I'm not quite sure why you've called my direct line or what you're looking for.
Robert: Well, do you have a Steve that works there?
Me: Steve Williams? Yes, we have a Steve Williams.
Robert: Well, I don't know if that's him. Is he new?
Me, reaching an 8 and getting a bit snappy: No. He's been here awhile.
Robert: Was he there in 1994?
Me: I don't know, Robert. In 1994, I was 11 years old. I'm not sure where Steve Williams was in 1994. How about I give you his number?
Robert: Oh, no.... that's ok. I don't want to interupt him. I just, well.... you see....
Me: Are you looking for a job, Robert?
Robert: Well, you see.... I think you should go back and look in your records for the years of, ohhhhh, about 1994 or so. Yeah, 1994 sounds about right. You'll see I worked there. 
Me, clearly at an almost 10 and for the first time in my life, eager to get back to my closeout documents: I believe you. Have a good....
Robert: Waittttttttttt! I have Conlan hats and shirts from when I worked there. I have them. You see, I had to quit because my wife, she was always nagging me and telling me I had to choose between her and work. So I had to quit at Conlan, even though I was the best worker there and you can ask Gordan if you want to.
Me - At this point, I'm done: Sir, Robert, listen. Gordon doesn't work here, so I can't ask him. And I'm not sure how or why, but you've called my direct line here at Conlan.  I can give you Steve Williams cell phone number if you'd like and maybe he has some work for you?
Robert: That would be great, ma'am. Maybe I'll call him later because, you see, I really don't want to interupt him if he is spending time with his family. That time is valuable. I wish I could spend time with my family too, but.....

[At this point, my level drops from a 10 to a 1.5. My heart has softened. Total Grinch style. This poor man just needs some work, it's the first day back after the holiday break, and the best worker Conlan has ever had has decided to give us another chance at hiring him. What a bitch I am.]

Me: Robert, here is Steve's number. Give him a call, he is out in the field today and I'm sure he would love to hear from you. 

Robert thanked me in a sweet, southern, gummy voice and gently hung up the phone... surely to give Steve a call, irritate him and then soften him, and get back to his overweight wife. 

Dear Robert Led-something,
I owe you an apology. I am positive that life probably hasn't afforded you the best of everything - in fact, it's probably been bitterly cold towards you at times. You seem weathered, both in life and in person. I'm sorry I didn't take a more patient approach with you or your situation. I have a feeling you are a good person with a kind soul, but most of all you are a hard worker. Probably the best Conlan has ever had. And I wish you would've stuck around. Some people around here could use a little softening of the heart. 


Love, 
Jessica